I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize