after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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