R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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