you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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