smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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