paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
