He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
