Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're like the curious george of whores
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
