go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
