So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
