If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
