i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
