Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
