I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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