things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
