My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
