Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
