i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
