I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
