No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
