you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe in your delicious
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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