i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
