the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
