Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
