Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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