sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
