Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
