You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
