so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
