Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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