hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
