You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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