Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want to be your penis for a week.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
