whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
