He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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