i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
