That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize