I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
