Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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