I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize