An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
