I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
