If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
