meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
