Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
