I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
