...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
