what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
