so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
