i just sent this text using only my big toe
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're making bets on your personal life
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
