It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
