Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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