So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
