She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
