I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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