Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
