but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
