I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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