I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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