Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize