Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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