I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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