Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
