I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
