your room smells of hookers.
And success
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
