were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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