Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
