420 ftw
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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