Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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