Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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