Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
