I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
