Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
