my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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