i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
