he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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