I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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