I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
