Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
