And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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