you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
