Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
