wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize