Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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