I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize