she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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