ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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